Pics of the day 4.28.08

 Teenager: playing dead.

and so does having your car broken into

That’s what we get for storing the bike in the car. Cheap lesson, I guess. Could’ve been the whole Xterra. Chicago…sweet Chicago.

Ding dong, the witch is dead….

Heehee, haha!  Guess who’s last day is May 23rd?  This should make bison town much more bearable. 

Chicago and the juicer

Two words:  Jalepeno Margaritas

Alive

Hey girl!  Hope you had fun out east this weekend! 

I spent the weekend breaking in our new couch.  I’ve been soooo exhausted.  I think the events of the last few weeks caught up to me.  I pulled off a couple half-assed loads of laundry and emptied the dishwasher…..that’s about it.  Lot’s of reality tv.  I would be knee-deep in self-loathing right now if I didn’t have 3 more weeks of craziness to look forward to.

Speaking of craziness, I get to attend a special Hindu ceremony next weekend in Lexington, NE.  Apparently, 4 pm on Saturday is the last time this ceremony can happen before the wedding on May 24th.  Something to do with astrology.  It will be Lisa (another bride’s maid), me and probably most of the Indian community in western Nebraska.  Not sure what it all entails, but I will be sure to take a few pics. 

Have I told you lately how excited I am for June?  I keep day dreaming about photo booths, Threadless, and nude badminton.  IT WILL HAPPEN….even if we have to have Frederick hold up a net on the beach of Lake Michigan.

I wish I had something witty or entertaining to type about.  I just can’t drum it up right now.  I really just wanted to relieve some guilt by posting SOMETHING. 

K, off to take out the garbage since my evil teenage daughter is refusing.  It’s surprising to me that there isn’t more media about “shaken teenager syndrome”.  Never in babyhood did I dream of doing her any harm.  The thought crosses my mind multiple times a day lately.

Love you, fer

 

For you, my dear

A sweet day, that’s what I wish for you, sugar.

B

3:30 p.m.

Fer,

So I’m standing in a certain part of a certain part of the place where I work, Tourist Attraction, right? And thank God I brought a pen, ‘cuz I scrawled the following interactions, and it kept me sane for twenty-five minutes…and giggling through the DOLPHIN SHOW.

Staff looks lonely yet helpful.

Guy: Sooo…are there shows here?

Me: Yes, sir, the next marine mammal presentation will be three-thirty.

Guy: What about the dolphin show?

Me: They are synonymous.

Girl, who’s obviously consulted other staff before stumbling upon me: What time’s the show? Three-thirty, right?

Me: Three-thirty.

Staff member watches guest mouth the words ‘three-thirty’ as she says them. Tries not to turn and walk away.

Random dude with a couple tots and a mate: When’s the next show?

Me: Three-thirty.

Dude: Three-thirty?

We’ve just met. Would I lie to you?

Me: Yes, sir. Three-thirty.

Of today. P.M. Like, soon.

Dude: What time zit now?

Me: I believe it’s around two-thirty.

Really smart dude: So, bout nower?

Last time I checked the distance between 2:30 and 3:30 equaled ’bout nower’ in the universe.

Me: Yes, sir.

Really Curious Guest: How much water’s in here?

Me: Two million gallons; a lot, huh? And it’s 31 feet deep!

RCG: Huh. Wow. Time’s the next show?

Woman with power stroller and one who walks and talks: I don’t know, honey, ask this young man.

Jesus, not again. Fuck my barber. At least she called me ‘young.’ 

Me: The next dolphin show is at 3:30, mister, so you’d better get your seat!

English woman with charming accent, who’s obviously read her map: Excuse me, but where are the dolphins fed?

Me, taken aback at her preparedness: Where? Dolphins? Wha?

EW: They’re fed at 3:30. I just wanted to know where.

Leave it to foreign visitors to actually translate the map. And hold it right-side-up and stuff.

Beautiful, wonderful guest: Dolphins?

Me: Yes, sir, they’re behind you. In the two-million gallon habitat.

You know, the sparkly pool your child keeps leaning over.

 BWG: They’re in there?

No, they’re up your butt five miles south. Stay for the show. If you would, please.

Me: Yes, sir, they are currently located in their habitat.

Since 1991, buddy.

Yucky man from Kansas or Iowa: Show?

Yes, sir, show you what? Is this what we’ve been reduced to? Confining whole sentences into one word while you chew your popcorn at me, and I don’t even know how you got that down here fyi. There’s no food or drink on the walkway, you know.

Me: The last dolphin show of the day is at three-thirty. Get ready!

Breezy young female on a date: Exxxcuuuuse me, miss?

Me: Three-thirty.

BYF: Wow, how’d you know what I was going to ask?!

Thanks for listening. I love you.

Britto

 

 

 

Pic of the day…not exactly today.

Kiley, Easter 2008

***SIGH*** a good one

Can you hear that whooshing sound??!?!  That’s the biggest sigh of relief that I’ve let out in ages. 

• Order shower cake CHECK (pickup Saturday morning)
• Find outfit for bachelorette party CHECK
• Find outfit for bridal shower CHECK (see here with navy cardigan and red peep-toe flats)
• Buy gifts for bride/groom mothers CHECK

All of that AND I picked up Kiley’s track spikes and new running shoes to boot!  Ok, this wedding thing is feeling a lot more doable. 

Brenna is going to poop her pants when she sees the credit card bill. 

How are you?  How is Steph? 

I’ve added your postcard to it’s matching one at work.  Melinda has named the middle guy Juan Valdez.  The skinny one is Rico and the other is crazy Uncle Marty.

This post is weird and a little disconnected, but I’m leaving it.  I’m feeling too good to stress over word flow.  Feel free to correct any punctuation issues.

peace, love and boxed wine – fer

 

Reason 1,042 I should have sent her to Lincoln High

Transcript of conversation between Kiley and I at 6:00 pm this evening:

Ki: (hopping into the car after grabbing some Amigos take out) There’s a girl who works here that goes to my school.

Me:  Yeah?

Ki:  Yeah, she’s like super blonde and popular.

Me: Huh.

KI: It’s kind of weird that she would work here.

Me:  Why?  What’s wrong with Amigos?

Ki:  No, it’s just weird that she would work at this one.

Me:  Whhhhyy?

Ki:  It’s scary over here.  I mean, what if she had to work past 9.  It would freak me out if I worked there.

Me:  Kiley!  It’s 16th and South.  This neighborhood is just fine.  It’s not scary.  I think your school is skewing your view of the world.  I should have sent you to Lincoln High.  You have no exposure to anything but rich white people.

*silence*

Ki:  Am I half black?

Me:  Bwahahahahaa!!!

Yes, she’s a black Scandinavian.

I think our next summer vacation should be to Detroit.  Just saying.

So, this wedding stuff is consuming my life.  God forbid she find this blog before her wedding, because I am going to sound like a bitch right now. 

I am not cut out for this.  I am stressing big time.  The bachelorette and shower are this upcoming weekend.  Everything is planned out, but every time I think about it I start to hyperventilate.  Saturday night we are having dinner at an expensive joint in Omaha.  I mean, I think we could easily drop $150 a person.  Then we are heading to this club called Nomad where “we” (the bridal party) have reserved a VIP cabana with bottle service.  BOTTLE SERVICE.  The girls have already ordered a good bottle of gin and a good bottle of vodka.  Last time I checked my driver’s license didn’t read Sean Combs.  Also, I work in a cubicle at an insurance company…..not even with a window view.  In other words, I may have to take money out of my 401K just to afford this party.  Did I mention that we are picking up the bride’s tab for the entire evening?

The next day is the shower at DISH in Lincoln.  We have to make sure the bartender working gets at least $100 in tips.  We also are ordering appetizers and bringing in a cake.  Lisa and I are going gift shopping for those who win the shower games and door prizes.   

So, I guess I need to shave my legs.  I should probably also dig out a pair of shoes with a little more heel than my Van’s.

To do list:

• Find a guestbook for the shower
• Find an outfit for Saturday and one for Sunday
• Order the cake
• Freak the fuck out

By the way, Brenna has already been sighing and getting wrinkle lines over the few things I have bought so far for this wedding.  She has no idea what’s to come.  Alterations for my wedding outfits, clothes to wear for all of the events surrounding the wedding, wedding shoes, wedding hair styling, food and drink for the Mehndi (I am hosting this also), the wedding gift, etc and etc.  I fear B may have a nervous breakdown before the end of May.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am excited to be a part of this wedding and I am very happy for her.  It’s just a little more than my budget can handle.  It’s also a lot more work than I anticipated.

ANOTHER REASON I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL JUNE!!!!!!!!!

I loved your last post with the photo tutorial  I love it.  Just so you know, I would drink your life juice every day.  In fact, we should make some while I’m there.  Wheatgrass?  Is it super expensive?

Have you heard of this stuff?  www.monavie.com  I had someone tell me that drinking 4 ounces of this stuff every day cured their need for antidepressants.  I think I’m gonna order a bottle.  I’m a sucker for easy answers.

 Ok, I’m gonna go watch TV with B. 

Photo of the day tomorrow!