Day 1.5 Whole Body Cleanse

Did your parents ever have one of those leather bag canteens?  I think they are called bota bags or something.  Anyway, that is what I feel like right now, a big bag of leather filled to capacity.

Last night I took 2 (of the 3 recommended) laxatives, 4 fiber pills and 1 milk thistle capsule.  Today, I’ve taken my 4 fiber pills and drank a gallon of water.  Nothing is happening.  I mean, nothing too impressive.  I feel like if I bend to pick something off the floor, a river of shredded wheat-like substance will spew from my mouth and nose.

B and I went down to Grateful Bread and ate huge bowls of steamy, hippie soup.  I thought that might help my situation.  If there is one thing hippies can do, it’s make a moving meal (nudge, nudge.  heh, heh). 

So, now I sit and wait. 

I’ll keep you updated.

Dear Brittany

I just read your Mother’s Day post.  I had no idea.  Once you told me that you had written something (i think sappy were the word you used), I put off reading it.  Finally tonight, the wedding and all of it’s events are over, and I took the time to read our blog. 

I’m bawling at my computer desk as I type.

Unfortunately, while all those pregnancy and infancy times should be monumental to me, they are actually all a blur.  It was just one Dr. appointment and diaper change after another.  

Now, as I sit here with a teenage daughter, it’s all so very clear.  All of the decisions.  All of the mistakes.  All of the regrets.  Weekend after weekend, I watch her walk out the door and I pray that she will make the right decisions.  That is what I say  ”Please make good decisions, Kiley.”  It’s all I can say.

Juno is a great movie.  I think I told you that I cried my eyes out and that you should see it ASAP.  I related to her, although she (in the movie) was way more intelligent and her parents were way more laid back.  The movie hit home.  The thin, thin line between maturity and immaturity.

Anyway, thank you.  I love you.  Thank you for thinking of me.

fer

A week late, but still heartfelt

I meant to post this last Sunday, but my phone line got crossed with someone else’s (yeah, creepy) and we couldn’t get online. The rest of the week went to work, and working out my new script.

 

My one and only Jessie,

So when we cracked open the little red envelope from Netflix the other day and popped in Juno, I was totally stoked. Not just the hype and Diablo Cody used to be a stripper and Ellen Page is the coolest (but isn’t she?). I wondered if watching it would hold answers about that time, when we didn’t talk all that much because I was in St. Joe for senior year and you were pregnant with Kiley.

Juno was like you, the you I knew in junior high and high school. Tough, and a cusser. Kind of butch and super cute; Vans and the occasional flannel scored for $1.80 from St. Theresa’s. I still can’t believe I never went to an appointment with you. I never saw an ultrasound or felt Kiley kick or helped you take out the trash. I’ll have you know, though, that I drove around Lincoln all day one time in early ‘94, Russell Stovers in hand (actually on the passenger seat of my dad’s Corolla), stopping at like three halfway houses looking for you. All I knew was that you had a baby and your dad kicked you out and you were living God-knows-where. I got nothing. And I ate the sad-ass turtles by myself. Or maybe I took them to Steph’s.

Were you scared? Were you mad? Did you think you could do it? Did you wonder about what life would be like with a baby? Did you consider abortion or adoption? What’d you think about Ki’s dad? Who was he? I wish I knew what he looked like. You were really young, with a big belly, and I bet you got some stares. I always thought, over the years, that you got your practice on Teal. Like, you were her third parent, and a caretaker from the time I knew you.

I remember one day, my Air Force leave, fall of ‘94. You’d gotten that apartment on 33^rd and Holdrege. I was impressed. You and this little blondie. And you liked her and made dinner for her, pulled her hair up in pigtails and made me watch stuff she did. She didn’t say much, but it sure was fun to watch her try and run. She had cheeks and fat legs and you dressed her in tiny jeans and t-shirts and white sneakers. I still have those pictures of Ki coming toward my disposable, the one where she has big shoulders like a linebacker. I didn’t learn that day that life as a mother–in your case, a single teenage mother–was about giving it all up for someone else, but I got a clue. I still only get little clues, dropped from heaven every now and then, when I hear you talk to her while we’re on the phone.

And now you have a beautiful, tempestuous, personality-laden teenager. She’s like we were, Jessie, she makes you want to beat her, drive her to school and work and practice. She demands food and liquid and parent-teacher conferences and doctor’s appointments and sign-offs for field trips.

Do me a solid. When you want to wring her skinny white neck, know that we want a sassy, opinionated thing of our own to wrangle with. And I hope we do as good a job as you’ve done. Here’s to you, Jessifer.

Happy Mother’s Day. I love you.

Love,

Britto

 

 

Conversation in the car: Friday

Kiley:  What do you want for Mother’s Day?

Me:  I don’t know.  Whatever.  I mean, you don’t have to get me anything.  How about you just be nice to me for an entire day?

Kiley:  Um, ok.  What do you want though?

Me:  I don’t know.

Kiley: Argh.  There isn’t anything you want?  If you could have anything….

Me:  I want a Sonicare toothbrush.  They are like $120.  A little out of any of our price ranges.

Kiley:  A toothbrush, mom???

Me:  They are super cool, and they make this wicked strange sound when you brush.

Kiley:  Omg, mom, it’s a toothbrush.  You brush your teeth less than 5 minutes a day, and you WANT a toothbrush.  You need to get a life.  That’s what I’m buying you for Mother’s Day, a life. 

Me:  BWAHAHAHAHA!

A story about love in a leper colony: Take my hand

So, we’ve cursed me by talking about aimless anxiousness.  I was so excited for my night off from the nursing home.  Now, I’m home wandering about trying to fill time.  I’ve peed twice, smoked twice, dowloaded photos, and made many laps around the house.  I’ve been home for 45 minutes.

Well, at least I’m posting, right?

Ok, here is one of the few pics I took at the puja last weekend. 

I’m really kicking myself for not taking more.  I was too afraid that I would be acting rudely if I started taking pictures in the middle of the ceremony.  I mean, there were 30ish of us in a small room, and my flash is a little distracting. 

The offering is of 5 different types of fruit, 5 different types of flowers, and samplings of the day’s meal.  There was also some water and incense involved.  I did ask why there were flowers under 2 of the gods, not all 3.  The answer?  Ran out of tape. 

Guess who’s excited about spring?

Sorry, another picture of the boy.

Little gnome…big gnome

Hi you,

Thought you’d like to see the progress I’ve made with Mr. Dib’s bro.

See? I make good progress with $1.99 fun treats! Send more weird stuff from Lincoln and I promise, I will find weird stuff to send you from the Chi. Not hard…gonna go outside now and scan the sidewalk.

Good talking with you today. Love you.

B