Sailor’s Lip can go to hell

Dear Soon-to-be-Wearing-Eco-Lips-Organic-Lip-Balm-with-SPF Jessifer,

I KNEW that weird pissed off white patch on my bottom lip was something! OMG, I’ve been wearing the same magnifying glass on my lips–my poor, thin-skinned, sun-absorbing lips–since I was, what, fourteen? Yeah, have you read this? http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24190829/ Take my Sally Hansen, my Body Shop, my C.O. Bigelow!

How will I ever part ways with my little blue jar? Do you KNOW that two years ago I went as far as to write Blistex to ask if they would whip up a batch of Lip Medex with SPF, just for me? I can’t part with it, I can’t, and not for trying. I’ve got tubes and canisters occupying their own freakin’ Caboodle; past attempts and failures at trying to move on. Lip Medex has been my dream lip product (remember when we moved from Chamberlain and I cleaned under the bathroom sink and found fourteen empty blue containers of it? Oh, I never mentioned that? I was too busy packing and repacking. Last of the OCD days…), the only caveat being that it lacked sun block. Everything I’ve tried since then has produced scales, or doesn’t last long enough, or is gunky and stupid. The nice folks at Blistex informed me that no, there would be no SPF in Lip Medex anytime soon, despite the fact that I’m part owner by now, but would I try this new product and find it to my liking? No. Nooooooo. It had coverage, but like all the others, got tossed into the purple plastic.

My point, besides being an alarmist and adding another worry to your plate? I am sending off for Eco Lips! And you’re getting one. Chiggity check the website (http://www.ecolips.com/) and I think you’ll find that I’ve done well in trying to keep our lips supple and squamous free. After scouring the site, I scored us a FREE tube of organic lip balm…SPF 30!!!!! So no, my sister, you won’t suffer my fate, this wavy, white, irritated blob on your sweet little lips.

What’ll it be…mint, berry or sport? I will save your life. Because I love you like that.

B