Fer,
So I’m standing in a certain part of a certain part of the place where I work, Tourist Attraction, right? And thank God I brought a pen, ‘cuz I scrawled the following interactions, and it kept me sane for twenty-five minutes…and giggling through the DOLPHIN SHOW.
Staff looks lonely yet helpful.
Guy: Sooo…are there shows here?
Me: Yes, sir, the next marine mammal presentation will be three-thirty.
Guy: What about the dolphin show?
Me: They are synonymous.
Girl, who’s obviously consulted other staff before stumbling upon me: What time’s the show? Three-thirty, right?
Me: Three-thirty.
Staff member watches guest mouth the words ‘three-thirty’ as she says them. Tries not to turn and walk away.
Random dude with a couple tots and a mate: When’s the next show?
Me: Three-thirty.
Dude: Three-thirty?
We’ve just met. Would I lie to you?
Me: Yes, sir. Three-thirty.
Of today. P.M. Like, soon.
Dude: What time zit now?
Me: I believe it’s around two-thirty.
Really smart dude: So, bout nower?
Last time I checked the distance between 2:30 and 3:30 equaled ’bout nower’ in the universe.
Me: Yes, sir.
Really Curious Guest: How much water’s in here?
Me: Two million gallons; a lot, huh? And it’s 31 feet deep!
RCG: Huh. Wow. Time’s the next show?
Woman with power stroller and one who walks and talks: I don’t know, honey, ask this young man.
Jesus, not again. Fuck my barber. At least she called me ‘young.’
Me: The next dolphin show is at 3:30, mister, so you’d better get your seat!
English woman with charming accent, who’s obviously read her map: Excuse me, but where are the dolphins fed?
Me, taken aback at her preparedness: Where? Dolphins? Wha?
EW: They’re fed at 3:30. I just wanted to know where.
Leave it to foreign visitors to actually translate the map. And hold it right-side-up and stuff.
Beautiful, wonderful guest: Dolphins?
Me: Yes, sir, they’re behind you. In the two-million gallon habitat.
You know, the sparkly pool your child keeps leaning over.
BWG: They’re in there?
No, they’re up your butt five miles south. Stay for the show. If you would, please.
Me: Yes, sir, they are currently located in their habitat.
Since 1991, buddy.
Yucky man from Kansas or Iowa: Show?
Yes, sir, show you what? Is this what we’ve been reduced to? Confining whole sentences into one word while you chew your popcorn at me, and I don’t even know how you got that down here fyi. There’s no food or drink on the walkway, you know.
Me: The last dolphin show of the day is at three-thirty. Get ready!
Breezy young female on a date: Exxxcuuuuse me, miss?
Me: Three-thirty.
BYF: Wow, how’d you know what I was going to ask?!
Thanks for listening. I love you.
Britto
jessica
brittymidge
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