Sailor’s Lip can go to hell

Dear Soon-to-be-Wearing-Eco-Lips-Organic-Lip-Balm-with-SPF Jessifer,

I KNEW that weird pissed off white patch on my bottom lip was something! OMG, I’ve been wearing the same magnifying glass on my lips–my poor, thin-skinned, sun-absorbing lips–since I was, what, fourteen? Yeah, have you read this? http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24190829/ Take my Sally Hansen, my Body Shop, my C.O. Bigelow!

How will I ever part ways with my little blue jar? Do you KNOW that two years ago I went as far as to write Blistex to ask if they would whip up a batch of Lip Medex with SPF, just for me? I can’t part with it, I can’t, and not for trying. I’ve got tubes and canisters occupying their own freakin’ Caboodle; past attempts and failures at trying to move on. Lip Medex has been my dream lip product (remember when we moved from Chamberlain and I cleaned under the bathroom sink and found fourteen empty blue containers of it? Oh, I never mentioned that? I was too busy packing and repacking. Last of the OCD days…), the only caveat being that it lacked sun block. Everything I’ve tried since then has produced scales, or doesn’t last long enough, or is gunky and stupid. The nice folks at Blistex informed me that no, there would be no SPF in Lip Medex anytime soon, despite the fact that I’m part owner by now, but would I try this new product and find it to my liking? No. Nooooooo. It had coverage, but like all the others, got tossed into the purple plastic.

My point, besides being an alarmist and adding another worry to your plate? I am sending off for Eco Lips! And you’re getting one. Chiggity check the website (http://www.ecolips.com/) and I think you’ll find that I’ve done well in trying to keep our lips supple and squamous free. After scouring the site, I scored us a FREE tube of organic lip balm…SPF 30!!!!! So no, my sister, you won’t suffer my fate, this wavy, white, irritated blob on your sweet little lips.

What’ll it be…mint, berry or sport? I will save your life. Because I love you like that.

B

 

Pics of the day 4.28.08

 Teenager: playing dead.

and so does having your car broken into

That’s what we get for storing the bike in the car. Cheap lesson, I guess. Could’ve been the whole Xterra. Chicago…sweet Chicago.

Ding dong, the witch is dead….

Heehee, haha!  Guess who’s last day is May 23rd?  This should make bison town much more bearable. 

Chicago and the juicer

Two words:  Jalepeno Margaritas

Alive

Hey girl!  Hope you had fun out east this weekend! 

I spent the weekend breaking in our new couch.  I’ve been soooo exhausted.  I think the events of the last few weeks caught up to me.  I pulled off a couple half-assed loads of laundry and emptied the dishwasher…..that’s about it.  Lot’s of reality tv.  I would be knee-deep in self-loathing right now if I didn’t have 3 more weeks of craziness to look forward to.

Speaking of craziness, I get to attend a special Hindu ceremony next weekend in Lexington, NE.  Apparently, 4 pm on Saturday is the last time this ceremony can happen before the wedding on May 24th.  Something to do with astrology.  It will be Lisa (another bride’s maid), me and probably most of the Indian community in western Nebraska.  Not sure what it all entails, but I will be sure to take a few pics. 

Have I told you lately how excited I am for June?  I keep day dreaming about photo booths, Threadless, and nude badminton.  IT WILL HAPPEN….even if we have to have Frederick hold up a net on the beach of Lake Michigan.

I wish I had something witty or entertaining to type about.  I just can’t drum it up right now.  I really just wanted to relieve some guilt by posting SOMETHING. 

K, off to take out the garbage since my evil teenage daughter is refusing.  It’s surprising to me that there isn’t more media about “shaken teenager syndrome”.  Never in babyhood did I dream of doing her any harm.  The thought crosses my mind multiple times a day lately.

Love you, fer

 

For you, my dear

A sweet day, that’s what I wish for you, sugar.

B

3:30 p.m.

Fer,

So I’m standing in a certain part of a certain part of the place where I work, Tourist Attraction, right? And thank God I brought a pen, ‘cuz I scrawled the following interactions, and it kept me sane for twenty-five minutes…and giggling through the DOLPHIN SHOW.

Staff looks lonely yet helpful.

Guy: Sooo…are there shows here?

Me: Yes, sir, the next marine mammal presentation will be three-thirty.

Guy: What about the dolphin show?

Me: They are synonymous.

Girl, who’s obviously consulted other staff before stumbling upon me: What time’s the show? Three-thirty, right?

Me: Three-thirty.

Staff member watches guest mouth the words ‘three-thirty’ as she says them. Tries not to turn and walk away.

Random dude with a couple tots and a mate: When’s the next show?

Me: Three-thirty.

Dude: Three-thirty?

We’ve just met. Would I lie to you?

Me: Yes, sir. Three-thirty.

Of today. P.M. Like, soon.

Dude: What time zit now?

Me: I believe it’s around two-thirty.

Really smart dude: So, bout nower?

Last time I checked the distance between 2:30 and 3:30 equaled ’bout nower’ in the universe.

Me: Yes, sir.

Really Curious Guest: How much water’s in here?

Me: Two million gallons; a lot, huh? And it’s 31 feet deep!

RCG: Huh. Wow. Time’s the next show?

Woman with power stroller and one who walks and talks: I don’t know, honey, ask this young man.

Jesus, not again. Fuck my barber. At least she called me ‘young.’ 

Me: The next dolphin show is at 3:30, mister, so you’d better get your seat!

English woman with charming accent, who’s obviously read her map: Excuse me, but where are the dolphins fed?

Me, taken aback at her preparedness: Where? Dolphins? Wha?

EW: They’re fed at 3:30. I just wanted to know where.

Leave it to foreign visitors to actually translate the map. And hold it right-side-up and stuff.

Beautiful, wonderful guest: Dolphins?

Me: Yes, sir, they’re behind you. In the two-million gallon habitat.

You know, the sparkly pool your child keeps leaning over.

 BWG: They’re in there?

No, they’re up your butt five miles south. Stay for the show. If you would, please.

Me: Yes, sir, they are currently located in their habitat.

Since 1991, buddy.

Yucky man from Kansas or Iowa: Show?

Yes, sir, show you what? Is this what we’ve been reduced to? Confining whole sentences into one word while you chew your popcorn at me, and I don’t even know how you got that down here fyi. There’s no food or drink on the walkway, you know.

Me: The last dolphin show of the day is at three-thirty. Get ready!

Breezy young female on a date: Exxxcuuuuse me, miss?

Me: Three-thirty.

BYF: Wow, how’d you know what I was going to ask?!

Thanks for listening. I love you.

Britto

 

 

 

Pic of the day…not exactly today.

Kiley, Easter 2008

***SIGH*** a good one

Can you hear that whooshing sound??!?!  That’s the biggest sigh of relief that I’ve let out in ages. 

• Order shower cake CHECK (pickup Saturday morning)
• Find outfit for bachelorette party CHECK
• Find outfit for bridal shower CHECK (see here with navy cardigan and red peep-toe flats)
• Buy gifts for bride/groom mothers CHECK

All of that AND I picked up Kiley’s track spikes and new running shoes to boot!  Ok, this wedding thing is feeling a lot more doable. 

Brenna is going to poop her pants when she sees the credit card bill. 

How are you?  How is Steph? 

I’ve added your postcard to it’s matching one at work.  Melinda has named the middle guy Juan Valdez.  The skinny one is Rico and the other is crazy Uncle Marty.

This post is weird and a little disconnected, but I’m leaving it.  I’m feeling too good to stress over word flow.  Feel free to correct any punctuation issues.

peace, love and boxed wine – fer